"Her hand job was too mechanical", he wrote. Another said "she was very mechanical. I won't go back." A third said "Your typical rub n tug, nothing worth writing home about."
Hmmm... guys writing on the internet about their personal experiences inside a massage parlor. Interesting concept, that. Kind of like kiss-and-tell, but in a public forum, with no accountability. Nice idea... too bad they lie and distort. Did you ever hear or the concept of libel? When you write something that is not true, and it causes harm to another, you can be sued, asshole. Think you're anonymous? Your computer is not, and your home or business connection to the internet is not anonymous, either.
"Mechanical" is an interesting description. Kind reminds me of a robot. And in the context of a hand job, a mechanical hand job must be what you get from one of those pathetic robotic jack-off machines that sorry-ass dudes use when they can't get anyone else to get them off -- even for money. Oh, perhaps that is what these guys are saying. Are they revealing that they are regular users of mechanical jack off machines, and thus are capable of comparing a massage parlor woman's hand release technique to the actions of a jack off machine? I see, said the blind man. I see.
So now I understand what you mean when you say I am too "mechanical". You mean to say that when I lotion my hands and gently wrap my fingers around your not-impressively-large-nor-firm-member, I am to much like your jack off machine. You are saying that by slowly building speed and maintaining rhythm, based on the firmness and degree of engorgement of your johnson in my hand, I am too much like a computer. You are suggesting that by building you up to an eventual explosion of orgasmic release, I am being too predictable? I understand. I will improve, I promise. How about this. next time you come in, I will ask for my tip up front. Then, with that business out of the way, I will start to be "non-mechanical" for you. I will try these things to make it less predictable, less routine, more random:
As I wrap my hands around your really-not-hard-enough member, instead of using two hands to stiffen it and make it look bigger than it is, I will loosen my grip a let it flop over back and forth as I attempt to stroke you up and down. Flip, flop until it starts to get a bit bruised on the sides. After all, it's your job to get hard, not mine. So if you're not hard enough whose problem is that? A machine would probably prop you up and keep you in line for precision-targeted stimulation. A human hand would just flop around with your lumpiness. I'll try that, based on your comments.
When the lotion gets a Little dry, because you are taking so long to release, I will be less like a "well lubed machine" and instead just keep rubbing. Rub rub rub no mater how much friction. That's less "mechanical", right? Who gives a crap if you get raw or uncomfortable -- you're used a jack off robot anyway.
How about I also introduce some randomness. Instead of slowly increasing my strokes as you become firmer, I will randomly stop here and there for a break. Instead of speeding up, I'll sometimes speed up and sometimes slow down. I'll vary it oddly so you can't predict it no matter how you might try. Despite intense visual imaginings that you might be having in your mind as you are about to come, the physical will miss synchronize as only a human could. As you imagine a tight pussy pulling up on the shaft in rhythm with the sensations created by my gentle fingertips, I'll suddenly pinch the edge of the rim of your glans between two of my fingernails, and break up that predictable monotony. How's that? Like that better, honey?
Another way to increase randomness would be to watch for the beginnings of your secretions, and instead of increasing my finger pressure as I usually do, I'll pause. A machine would probably detect the initial flow of clear fluids and then jack-of-like-no-tomorrow to orgasm, but you dislike that mechanical-ness, right? So next time when I see that clear fluid start to flow, I will stop. And then I'll restart after it stops those little pre-pulse dribbles, and again stop when I start to see the white stuff building up in the tip. Sure it will take some practice to get it right... I know how hard it can be for you guys to stop the ejection at that stage, but we will learn together, ok? A few dozen missed releases and empty ejaculations is nothing to pay for future methodological perfection, right? I knew you'd like that better.
I aim to please guys, so I will take all of your comments to heart. I will do my best to earn my $40 next time. I'll make it as clinically professional a process as I can, and be relentless in my wondering out loud why you're not hard enough or responsive enough, just to help you fix the problem before we continue. I'll try and be... well... more like your wife. She's not a robot, right? That's it! I'll ask you a bunch of questions about how your wife likes it, and how she likes to do it for you, and then after you explain how she pleases you I'll initiate my random human-ness. Is that what you wanted, guys? Because when I read your comments on Utopia Guide. I was really upset because I thought you were trashing me and my friends unfairly. You know who you are. NY/NJ/CT Spa forum. Slinky's cool, but some of you guys are asses.
The next time you decide to trash a gal for trying to earn your $40 think about how much money it would take to get you to jerk off the guy in the next cubicle. Then take a look in the mirror at your naked body, and your limp prick, and imagine what you would be willing to do to that sorry-ass body for $100 cash. The next time you jack off, smear the white stuff onto your chest and neck -- just for fun. And then think about what kind of tip you would appreciate from someone who asked you to do that for them.
No pity guys, and no free rides. Do unto others. It might not come back to you today, but I guarantee it will come back to you in kind.
