Can Counseling Help Me?
That is a question that goes way back to my pre-teen days. Seems like I heard it a thousand times.
Can counseling help Missy Provider, the train-wreck of social adjustment?
A good counselor can help you help yourself. Think about it: Relationships are tough to manage, because we were raised by relationships while we developed our own ability to relate. That's right, as we grew up from infants, we evolved a way of having relationships, and probably based a large part of that on what we witnessed around us as we grew up. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, as they say.
So we have developed this "way" of relating, and now we need to use it and we find out it's all WHACKED. So what can we do? We can't easily change it because, well, it is WHO WE ARE.
Massage Parlor Sex Therapist
A guy friend says he is addicted to massage parlors. According to him, he feels addicted. That means he can't stop himself from going, or that he gets so much fulfillment out of going to massage parlors that if he stops, he doesn't feel right. He says he can't really function well without regular visits to erotic massage parlors. What he really means, after you talk to him for a while, is he is addicted to the feeling of comfort he gets when he relates to the women he sees in the massage parlor.I should know - he was a client of mine.
So his way of relating is kinda whacked, and he doesn't do too well with women in the regular world. But guess what? In the massage parlor world, he relates just fine. With a C-note in his hand behind a closed door, with a woman he already knows is willing to release him for cash, he is very, very confident negotiating. He plays the game, and it's like the high school date he never had - he gets the girl in the dark and he gets off, and afterwards he is HAPPY and he feels good. It doesn't matter that she is happy because she got the cash. Or does it?
What he found was after a while of getting jacked off by beautiful women in a dark, quiet massage parlor room, he was relating even worse in real life. That's the addiction part - he was getting even less fulfillment in his real world, and needing to visit the massage parlor even more to make up for it.
Then he found me, and I straightened him out :-) It wasn't easy, but when you've dealt with thousands of guys like him, you get to understand.
A Man Needs Regular Touch
What he needed was of course release, but he needed it on a regular basis in a setting that reinforced his own real world situation, not a massage parlor. He needed someone with the patience to take him from "give it to me baby....aaaahhhh." to some form of relationship closer to the real world. He was divorced and kind of ugly... too fat, too stressed, too fashion-dumb, and too clumsy to get real dates.
I was his real date until we got his act together enough for him to find more real dates. Of course I earned some decent cash out of the deal, but no more than a counselor would have charged. It's hard work. Now he's a fairly together guy, and although he still pays for some entertainment now and then, he also does fine with the divorced ladies in his building, and on his block, and at work. You get the idea. I have another one who is married. After a while I got him to turn his wife onto some of his favorite tricks,a dnhe hardly ever comes by anymore. I think that's good.
Now I am looking for understanding too. I am finding myself a wee bit too controlling in the massage room, and an equal bit shy outside. Not good -- I decided to pursue a counselor, and I think I have found one. I haven't gone very far but I have this odd feeling that this lady knows of what I experience in my world. I can't say why, but I just can see in her a spirit that understands mine.
She handles issues via email or phone, and is considering setting up one of those webcam things for video phone-like sessions. I'd visit her in person if I could, because -- well I'm a hands-on kind of gal, but she is far away.
Now I also consider that a plus. She's not here in my home state, so I have no worries about who knows I've been dealing with a counselor. She is also not going to write up detaled notes about me in some record book. She's a counselor, properly schooled and trained, but perhaps most importantly she seems to *understand* my views. Again I haven't gone far yet, but that's my read.
Also, since she is not physically here, I can't physically get involved with her! Laugh all you want, but from what I know of the world counselors and patients get involved, and if I were to ever lie on somebody's couch and get personal.... well you just KNOW I would get PERSONAL! Plus she is quite attractive. I put her picture up there at the top.
Now before we go crazy about Missy recommending relationship counselors, lets' get this straight: I am making no such endorsement. What I do with my time and who I hire to help me with my world is my business. If you're local state laws and whatever want to control you and make you only get help from licensed, certified, or otherwise government-enrolled people who pay license fees that's your problem. Me? I am just fine calling someone far away who knows of what they speak, if that conversation helps me cope.
So as I go I'll keep you informed! And if you have your own stories to tell of your own experiences, email them to me provider at hush dot ai. I'll weave your stories into this blog so others can benefit.
Anybody doing their counselor? I'd LOVE to hear the stories!
