Massage Parlor Questions
Today I will start to provide guidance on how to best answer the questions usually asked by the massage parlor owner or attendant onyour first visit. My associates and I put emphasis on Asian massage parlours, since they are the ones that most often treat you differently based on how you answered the questions. In addition to my personal experiences, I also used notes from the Asian massage parlor review site AsianMassage.net.
From what you have all emailed me about your varous trips to massage parlors (and especially asian massage parlors), I feel I am doing a public service.
Q: Massage Parlor asks: Have you been here before? Is this your first time?
This is the one you guys ask about the most. When the mamasan or receptionsist at the erotic massage parlor asks you if you have been there before, what do you say? Many massage parlors try to stick with strict legitimate massage for first time customers. So obviously if it is your first time at a new massage parlor, or with a new korean massage girl or whomever, and extras are on the menu for regular customers, by telling them you have never been there before you are denying yourself any chance of getting extras, right?
Most sensual and erotic massage attendants have already decided the level of risk they will take when dealing with customers old and new. They ask this question because they want to see your response. If you are a liar, they will see it in your face, and know you are a liar (which is bad for you). If you are honest and say yes, then they assume you are not trying to trick them (which is good for you). But since you have never been there before, will you get any extras? That depends on the massage girl, the time of day, your behavior and looks, and the activity of the sun spots.
The smartest massage parlor patrons know that the right answer to this age old question is "yes, first time here, but I have been to many other places before".
This is a conversation opener. It tells the massage parlor girls that you are wise to the ways of the erotic massage parlor, honest enough to admit you have never been there before, and confident enough in your dealings that you are not afraid of missing any opportunity. Like I said, she already decided if she will take a chance on you before you answered the question. If the house rule is no extras for first timers or liars, you're out of luck either way. If the rule is "be careful" then with this answer, you are on your way to negotiations, and your chances were not altered by your answer to that first question.
Q: Massage Parlor asks: How you like massage? Followed up with "soft, medium, hard?"
Answer this one honestly - how do you like your massage? Be careful of "hard" because it might be painful. In some less reputable asian massage parlors, the ladies aren't very well trained and can actually hurt you. If you like it hard, why not ask for medium and see how it goes? You can always ask her to make it harder. If you ask for soft you may get really light touch nonsense. I always wonder why guys would ask for that. If you don't really want massage, why do to a massage parlor?
Now there is some play here, when you are frequenting erotic massage parlors. She offered 'soft", "medium, and "hard" but smart mongerers also know the alternative answers "fun", "sexy", and "the way you do it".
If you say "fun"or "sexy" be prepared to explain. The massage girl will always act like she didn't understand. Guys only after extras follow up with "just fun, time with pretty girl" or "sexy, pretty girl massage". If you do that, though, be preapred to get tickeled. To some of these erotic massage girls, there is nothing more to foreplay than tickling. I don't believe guys should be coming to massage parlors looking for full service sex, but when they do, this is a general approach they take.
Q: Massage Parlor asks: Walk on back?
Here I give strong advice - say no. I have seen enough rehabilitation to know that back walking by anyone other than well-trained, under 90 lb massagers is dangerous. Yet time and again I hear of guys getting walked on, sometimes by rather large Chinese massage parlor workers. I understand the risk you take to get sexual favors, but why risk your back??
Q: Massage Parlor asks: Do you want to take a shower? Table Shower?
The answer to thisis of course YES. I don't care how frequently you shower or how clean you think you are, if you are given a chance to shower before an erotic or sensual massage in a massage parlor say YES.
First, this gives you a chance to see how clean the place is. A dirty table shower is a good sign you should not be exposing yourself too much in that place. Second, it gives you a chance to learn a bit about the layout. I know you don't think much about safety when you frequent an erotic massage parlor, but you still have a risk of fire and chaos and should know where the exits are, which way the hallways run, etc. Take a look around as you are led to the shower room and back. It can only help.
Finally, and perhaps most obviously, if you are clean you may get better service. A table shower gives the massage attendant a chance to not only check how clean you are, but to make sure you are clean enough for any intimate activities that maybe available. If you are interested in sexy little extras like fondling and perhaps some sort of release, why not provide the attendant with an opportunity to see you naked, to scrub you to her own satisfactory level of cleanliness, and perhaps even provide an opportunity for her to cross some boundaries "accidentally" and see how you react?
Experienced mongerers know that the one-on-one time a the table shower is perfect for determining the limits of the attendant before she starts the massage. Some guys will ask for a different girl before the massage begins, if the shower experience demonstrated she was too reserved, not communicative, or otherwise not what he is looking for. Many asian massage parlor girls know they are "on probation" during the shower experience, and they do their best to impress the client with their flirtatiousness and sensitivity to make sure that the customer will be prepared to offer as generous a tip as available once inside the room.
A table shower is also a nice to propose questions that might be considered improper if recorded and played back in court. If you are naked and wet, and the air is filled with the noise of a shower sprayer, she is pretty sure no one else is "listening" and she may just negotiate with you right then.
Stay alert to the "wardrobe malfunction" or "nipple slip" during the shower experience. Many a massage parlour girl will make sure this sort of thing happens so you have a chance to demonstrate your embarassment (bad) amusement (good) or good natured playfulness (best) prior to the massage session.
Q: Massage Parlor asks: How long session?
In general, the more you are after the more you should buy. That means if you are after a quick massage with release at a known erotic massage parlor go ahead and get a 30 minute session. But if you want to explore the possibilities with a new place or new girl, don't push it to happen inside 30 minutes. Go for 45 or 50. And if you are really looking for a massage plus extras, and especially if it is a new place for you, book the hour.
If it is busy, always go for the 45 minutes. Every massage parlor girl knows everything can get done inside of 45 minutes. Even if you book an hour, during busy times chances are you will only get 45 minutes of attention anyway.
Q: Massage Parlor asks: What's your job, honey?
This question is designed to feel you out a bit. Again, the focus is more on judging your response to see if you are lying than it is about what your actual answer is. Be prepared to answer and do so promptly. Don't hedge, even if you think she won't understand. Just answer and move on. Of course, don't say you are a police officer or detective. Many lawyers frequent massage parlors, but they don't usual tip well. Neither do doctors. Construction workers tip well, but unless you have the skin and muscles to go along with it, better not claim to be a construction worker o she'll think you're a liar.
Traveling salesman? Sure... very common and also very believable. But be forewarned - in asian massage parlors especially, the korean massage girls and Chinese massage parlor girls have worked in just about every city at one time or another so if you are lying you will be discovered.
Q: Massage Parlor asks: You married? Girlfriend?
This one is a toss-up. It is none of anyone's business, but I have learned that some massage parlor girls ask this question because they have personal preferences. Some don't like married guys looking for full service, so they limit them to hand release options. On the other hand, some massage ladies have told me they will only do full service with married guys because it is safer. Go figure. And then there are the immigrant chinese and korean massage parlor workers who are actually looking for eligible husbands for green card purposes.
Of course smart, experienced mongerers know the best answer to this question is always "honey, you're my girlfriend".
Q: Massage Parlor asks: You live in (local town or city)?
Sometimes there is a belief that locals are a risk for massage parlor workers and owners. Certain owners prefer out of towners because they think they are less likely to be cooperating with some undercover sting operation. Again, all questions are really to see if you are a liar, but the better answer here is the detailed one - whatever that is.
Instead of "yes" you might try "yeah, but I just moved here last year" for example. If you are not local, saying "no" implies you are hiding something. Instead say "no, I am from far, far away. Seattle" and again, you have provided details and a conversation opener.
Of course, be prepared for the natural conversation that follows... why are you here, on business, pleasure, how long, etc. It's just friendly conversation. If she's going to offer extras, she wants to know a bit about you so it is not just some pay-for-performance anonymous encounter. Remember also, if you are denied because you are a first time customer, you will be asked similar questions next time and the answers should match if you are not a liar.